the Whole is a SUM of its parts. it can’t get any clearer than that. As clear as black and white. wait, what? black and white arn’t clear.  and neither am i. clear about how to even begin to post the thoughts dancing around inside my brain.

The best way to describe the day, more or less evening i had would be like one of your sitcoms doing an episode where they keep blasting back to the past and showing clips from old shows. i always thought they did this when the writers didn;t have any better ideasm but sometimes you find yourself in a contant stream of stories, reminicing about the people who have influenced your life in some way. although i don’t think a dude putting on a motorcycle helmet on to scare a chaweinnie dog is life changing, the hilarity in and of itself will be forever burned into my brain. “flip the lid up!” i can’t imagine most people spent their monday night quite like i did, but thats what i enjoy most about my life.. the crazy fools i call my friends. and on a side note if my motherfucking cat does not quit trying to piss me off i’m gunna get shiesty on her shiesty cat ass. go suck on someone else’s sweater for gods sake. she seriously stinks.. i’m not even kidding!

clips shows. that’s what they call those sitcom episodes. an associate of mine i will simply call the sparrow seems to think that our lives would be entertaining to people if it were filmed for tv. although the last three or fours hours have been dedicated to one of our favorite pasttimes, coloring, i know that there is a fan following out there somewhere. let’s take a quick look back into memory lane.

what better time to play nerf football then 8:30 am.? it looks totally normal that we’re out here, in regular street clothes so early in the morning. now if we had our sleeping gear on, it would be a little bit more believable.

“there’s something up with that guy who is raking his yard so early in the morning”, our friend the sparrow says as he looks THROUGH his tinted truck windows at the next door neighbor. “let me check it out”, our mommy-tp-be chirps back. she hesitates for a minute thinking outloud to herself, “why don’t i just go on the other side of the truck so i can see this guy?” and just exactley where is the fun in that??

coming home to a house with no lights on and the doors locked usually means that no one is home, right? not in my case, you see my friend, actually an aquaintiance of mind seems to think there is someone outside walking on the rock driveway because she hears the sound of rocks crunching outside. there were no soundes coming from iutsside. she shut off all the lights, tv, radio, and fans and lays on the couch, clunching a knife inbetween her interlocked hands. my botfriend comes home to find me cooking dinnerm using the refridgerator as my source of light. this is a normal night for me.

this goat stole our gang sign.

Three days later..

Well, I never did finish my blog as I had anticipated. it sucks when you have a great idea to publish all over the web, hoping someone reads it and is entertained, and you just don’t get back to it. i more or less got sidetracked by my goddamned taxes.. you would think doiing them with turbo tax is easy. maybe for you it is, but i am in the process of getting organized so gathering all my paperwork was a bitch! and i’m still hunting a couple pieces of paper. paper.. something so fuckin simple, yet important as gold when it comes to the irs. i’m milking every deduction possible because welli’m a broke bitch. i accept donations if you feel so inclined.

i know ya’ll don’t care about my fuckin taxes.. ha.  anyways let’s move on. god this shit is boring!

my morning started off pretty normal. opened the freezer to get some ice and saw i had put my can of tunafish next ro the ice trays. i took it out to thaw and walked back to my seat in the living room. “i mean did you leave the freezer open for any particular reason?” whoops.

“our adventures are bad ass..the geeter group will get your ass!”

for real, we are quite the bunch of crazy motherfuckers. you either love us or you’re wondering wtf is wrong with us. don’t mess with the best.

“my cute open.. yay!”

“can somebody come help me?”

“why?”

“i broke the waterheater”

and she’s just standing there in the doorway drenched.

i can’t remember if i entertained this website with that adventure. what would you do if you asked someone to turn a simple lever to the on position and next thing you know your whole god damn garage is flooded with water and the water heater which is seated in the upper level, attic style, is GUSHING water. well obviously, turn the water off.. but you’re outside scrambling around looking for the water main and it’s no where to be find. the other dude isn’t much help either, dashing in and out of the woods every time a car drives by. imagine driving back and seeing that? welcome to ******* road. shit like that happens on a daily basis. take my neighbor across the street for example. it was raining hard, like it does here in florida. next thing i know i hear hammering and all sorts of noise, so much so i had to see what was up. i peeked out the blinds and saw them tearing their fuxkin roof apart! in the pouring rain. who does that? the neighbors. granted they are pure white trash but their always doing shit that shocks even me sometimes. that’s gotta be some crazy shit to shock me.

well folks i got a kitchen to clean because you know me, i always keep the kitchen clean.

Well, it’s Friday night and my garage is flooded. It’s been an eventful last few hours. All I wanted to do was take a HOT shower in the shower that had the water heater just fixed. I had taken all of two showers and after a long day of laundry in the tub (washing machine broke!) and raking, I was feeling nasty. Sweatin in this god damned Florida hotbox prerssure cooker.

Turn the red knob to turn on the hot water he told me. I had no fucking clue what he was talking bout. Instead of going out and taking five minutes to do it for me he says, “go ask maintenance”. So I did, she said she knew what knob it was, and I was all set to take my hot shower. Nope, over an hour later I’m looking at water as it gushes out down the vinyl siding of the garage. Fuck. I can;t even bear to go look at the damage. They all itchin to get their hands on that damn thing. That’s for sure.  We have reached an all time high.

it’s been a long, strange day but that’s nothing unusual.

maybe tomorrow will be more low-key. now where’s the fun in that??!

Hey hey.. I’m backk! Don’t pretend to be excited.. I’m ready to get back to work entertaing my MASSIVE fan following. Joking.. kinda.

So let me tell you about yesterday and my experience with the cable guy hooking up my internet. He pulls up to my house and not more than five minutes later I hear the farmiliar sound of a low bass. No, Not now.. WHY???! He pulls in then spins out turning around, goes a couple houses down, then comes back. He’s yelling.. and not just yelling but screaming out obscenties with his fist flailing out the window. He parks directly behind the cable truck, blocking this poor man in. He was stuck now. “Hey meat puppet.. Slut will have sex with you for free cable”, was among the most memorable line.

I appoligize for my friend’s indecent behavior and everyone shuffles into the garage (THANK GOD). He’s wild! As he would say, “putting on a show”, running his mouth in between biting random pieces of wood. Pretending he’s as drunk as his fuck buddy. She is wasted.. fucked up. She decides to walk into the house where her arch nemesis is tending to the internet installation. This could be either good or REALLY BAD. I’m close behind, and all seems to be fine when I get inside.. but now it’s this chick who wont shut her filthy mouth up. She is saying some fucking profane shit, and look who’s talking!

I think at the very least we gave that cable guy a story to tell his wife over the dinner table. They even had the dispatcher on the phone at the cable company laughing. I guess that is what happens when you put a group of people together who don’t really like each other. It just so happened I had internet being installed. The rerst of the story needs to just go down in history, because it’s one of those events that happens when people just don’t get along and are forced to be in the same room together. Oh yea and three people end up walking off, where to I still do not know. Nor do I really care because my man was okay and we made the best of a horribly tense situation with a bunch of rotten mouthed motherfuckers.

Phew.. that was intense. And I’m not talking about the story ;)